Why Adult Children Should Obtain Medical Records for Elderly Parents

Seven years of caring for my elderly parents taught me that knowledge is the key to making good decisions, really helping my parents and reducing my own stress.  Few of us are prepared for the challenges of helping our parents.  If you are the primary go-to adult child, the more information you have, the better.  Your parents’ medical situation will govern most decisions, making medical awareness crucial in the process. Why is this so important?  Almost every decision you make with or for your parents will address their current or future medical condition.

1.  Housing needs, including aging in place, assisted living, in-home care, adult family homes and skilled nursing facilities are chosen based on three primary concerns: level of care, location and cost.
2.  Most people see more than one doctor today, complicating medications, decisions and planning.
3.  Electronic Medical Records (EMRs) are very beneficial to everyone involved.  But they are far from common.  There is cost and time involved in creating EMRs.  Without EMRs readily available, many details fail to reach new doctors.
4. Even if you attend appointments with your parent, do you understand and retain everything that is said?
5. Considering the possibility of a hospital or skilled nursing home stay, you are often the most important person in a position to convey information. Read more »

 Helping Your Elderly Parents Downsize

Most of us don’t think too much about our parents’ possessions-until we need to help them downsize…or worse…we may be in charge of the entire process.  Suddenly, possessions become something of an albatross:

What do you do with the accumulations of a lifetime and what do you do with the memories?

Most of us have experienced moving and we have come face to face with what ’just a small kitchen’ really means: The kitchen cabinets we all want become our worst enemies. Small closets and cabinets are imposters of the worst kind: they harbor thousands of items and millions of memories, all of which must be sorted and boxed.  When it comes to helping our parents downsize, an extra layer of guilt wraps each decision.

When my parents moved from their home, my mother could no longer organize with logic and precision as she always had.  That left most of the decisions to my dad.  His idea of packing was to dump drawers into boxes and move it all.  There were to be several more moves as their care needs increased and health deteriorated.  Each time, I was faced with cleaning out, sorting out and keeping guilt at bay.  Guilt because I didn’t want many of the things that defined and memorialized my parents’ lives.   I kept very special things, but I have reached the age where things must be VERY special to earn a spot in my closets.

 Downsizing is a Process

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When Your Aging Parent Needs Mobility Assistance

When my mother had her first stroke, she was not happy that she needed to use a walker.  Physical therapy helped her in many ways, but the walker was to become a permanent part of her life. Two years later, she was to suffer another stroke that left her wheelchair bound and that was when she realized how lucky she had been to just need a walker.  That seems to be the way with all of us, though: we don’t realize that it isn’t that bad, until it gets worse.  We moved my parents closer and found a wheelchair that fit her better. I learned to set that brake and tilt the chair back as I sat behind Mom.  That would give her much-needed pressure relief.  It was very tiring for her to be in the chair all day.  The staff at the assisted living facility put her in bed each afternoon for a nap, but the rest of the day she was in her chair.  She wasn’t able to move her chair and it became clear that my dad could not easily move her everywhere.  They had an accessible van and still liked to go out.  I began shopping for a used electric wheelchair.  Mom was able to enjoy a measure of freedom the last 5 years of her life with her electric wheelchair. Read more »

Helping Caregivers Help Your Aging Parents

It’s becoming  apparent that our parents are living longer and we, as adult children, aren’t prepared to help them.  The cast of caregivers for the aging population includes medical personnel, possibly residential caregivers and adult children.  Most adult children will want to play a significant role in supporting parents.   Family dynamics certainly impact the ease of helping parents, and it is often true that willing or not, most adult children are unprepared to answer the needs of their aging parents.

They are also blind-sided by the emotional cost of this time of life. 

Support systems are beginning to appear and many go a long way in meeting the need.  Caregivers appreciate the presence and support that adult children can offer.  How best can they work together?

Professional caregivers understand geriatric needs, which can be very complicated. 

 An educated adult child offers unique support to the caregiver and an elderly parent.

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