Children of Aging Parents Blogger

Blogger Marky Olson earned undergraduate and graduate degrees from Miami University in Oxford Ohio and married her college sweetheart.  After raising two children, moving across the country,  teaching for many years and becoming a writer, she felt prepared for most of life’s ups and downs.

She and her husband had learned from and conquered the sometimes daunting challenges of his type 1 diabetes.  Both daughters were married and all four of the “kids” had completed MA degrees, were gainfully employed and a grandchild was on the way.

Life was good.

Then her mother’s health began to deteriorate rather quickly, making her father a caregiver. The necessary talks included where they should move, financial concerns, power of attorney, medical directives and end-of-life care.

The Yin and Yang

Teaching full-time, enjoying adult children and grandchildren, friends and all the Northwest has to offer made it a difficult time to monitor and care for her parents, often ending in guilt and frustration.

Her beloved younger brother died suddenly just as her parents were settling in at the assisted living, complicating the tenuous stability.

That first grandson provided the needed balance in the process of letting go, the Yin and Yang of her life.

“My parents lived in an assisted living facility, because of Mom’s extensive needs. Even with the help of a wonderful staff, the round of doctor’s appointments, phone calls and the sense of crisis that became the norm, had a tendency to overwhelm me.  Mom’s electric wheelchair would break down, we had forgotten to buy Depends, my dad would need care from the VA, an all-day trip, or their  cat would eat the foam off of Mom’s lift. (This is true-she ate the foam off of everything and she was fast.) Sandwich generation was  defining my identity. The best defense against the wave of potential complications with elderly parents is to educate oneself as much as possible. The negatives are rather constant, but the unexpected positive moments have great power. We’re not a nation with easy solutions to this problem.  The earlier you start the process of facing realities and talking with your parents, the better. My husband reminds me repeatedly: ‘Life doesn’t go on forever.’”